I should have known that
the first moment of bliss
that storybooks talk about,
the moment you awake
when the morning air acts as an antidote, and
you supposedly forget everything
not worth remembering
not worth considering
the headaches
tears
that moment doesn't really exist,
because
it was the first thing I thought about
when I woke up this morning
lynette
chantal;song
hope | SNCA2
st anthony's choir
<3 music & art
would really love
AT LEAST PASS dipAB!!!!
RUSSIA with snc
dist for voice
hwachong
violin
these perfect moments
Joyful music leads us sunward
Wednesday, December 16, 2009 @ 10:53 PM
I've been working the past three days (tomorrow being my last day, and I feel quite sad actually) and it's pretty refreshing from going out to play or do homework/staying at home. And surprisingly I've also managed to, so far, complete three subjects worth of homework, as well as finish reading two books, and draw and write nonsense while waiting for customers to enter (but shhhh I'm not supposed to do all those), and I could have done more only I didn't feel like doing lit and Chinese today. Or any other day, as a matter of fact. My colleague (haha) and I are so horrendously bored most of the time, and by the end of today we started to fold paper cranes out of the receipts.
The kids are so cute though! There was one chubby little American boy today :) he was so chubby and awfully cute, with soft brown hair and dimples, that just looking at him made me want to laugh with happiness. And another one yesterday called Oliver kept asking his mom to buy this plastic toy thing, and when she said, "You already have the same one at home!" he just continued going, "Please Mommy? Please?" and he'd give this little rather cute pout. Not all were cute, of course, there were two boys who came in and wrecked the store, (and their parents didn't even care, bah) but they were mostly adorable. _
The church choir I'm in has been practicing hard for Christmas midnight mass, and just now we combined with New Song Ministry (a band/ministry) to practice the songs we'll be caroling. Anyway I'm saying this cause the band is so cool, with the standard drums, keyboard, bass/guitar and singer sure but watching it in front of you, watching the members communicate with each other with just a single expression, feeling the vibrations from the sheer volume of the music that is SURROUNDING you- it's highly addictive and exhilarating, just makes you want to continue practicing all night.
Haha then during group prayer just now our organist was like, "...We pray for the Lord." Silent pause. Then the band starting laughing. Next to her, her sister/twin (I'm not sure which) was like, "Haha, actually, she said the exact same thing I wanted to say!" and no one believed her because they said the same thing for the introduction. After her I said my prayer, and I was supposed to go, "We pray to the Lord," then everyone would reply, "Lord, hear our prayer," but I think I wasn't thinking cause I said, "Lord, hear our prayer," then after a pause, everyone looked up and gave each other the same puzzled face.
Singing Smurfs
Wednesday, December 9, 2009 @ 8:19 PM
photo from Google, edited
sometimes walking on the street when raindrops dance skitter play leapfrog with each other and shiny cobblestones on the floor tickle your feet gently glistening a rainbow hue, like jewels
sometimes looking at the sky, vibrancy personified energy seems abundant- so what is this exhaustion? Leave it behind happiness isn't that elusive
/
And the holidays have actually been fruitful so far! Though I haven't done any revision, but jeez there's enough homework as it is. I'm going to work next week, so I can earn money :D but it'll probably go towards my dip fee.
I was expecting December to be much, much freer than November but it seems like my timetable is filling itself up, and I'm quite glad about that because it means I'll be sufficiently tired out each day to be able to fall asleep easily, though not maybe deeply- I had a bad dream about choir two nights ago...it was just weird. Haha talking about choir: today I was letting Jielin listen to a song on my com, and when it finished it played on to Pomlad, I literally shuddered.
Can't wait for Christmas though :) church choir's singing during midnight mass and I haven't been to one for ages. I think the last one was when the church invited children to dress up and all the (annoying) little girls who turned up wore large white flapping wings with glitter and sparkly halos.
Haha I don't need to buy the Twilight and New Moon DVDs anymore cause Jielin has promised to buy them for me! As well as Eclipse and Breaking Dawn, when they come out, so I already know what I'm going to get for my birthday and Christmas for the next two years.
Went to watch New Moon yesterday- it is SO AWESOME, I love it. It's like ten times better than Twilight, it was so much more deeper, and during the adrenaline-inducing parts I actually felt my heart thump faster, especially at the Volturi part, my goshhhh. I thought Twilight the book was better than the movie but New Moon the movie is actually better than the book.
And Dakota Fanning- I saw her on this mini-interview on Channel 5 about 'how it felt to bring Robert Pattinson to his knees' and she was so happy and jokey ('I'm afraid all the women in America will come after me'), but in the movie she was just so cool. I can't imagine how she pulls on another whole new persona, which is what acting is about I guess.
I'M GONNA BUY THE DVDs!! ...when I have the money!!
It's a little cold tonight.
Thursday, November 26, 2009 @ 11:29 PM
The curtains are pregnant with the glassy wind one rounded balloon of cloth and I know that it is cold outside even if I don't shiver even if I don't tremble
The mirror seems to fog up with breaths of hope the wind sends this way but maybe I've been staring too long at my reflection to notice such things.
The blankets aren't warm but huddling between them, safely snuggled in thick cotton cushioned by soft pillows on all sides closing my eyes I think I can slip away
And maybe in oblivion, answers, reasons are innumerable Maybe staircases will appear, and gently guide confusion to stability but I wouldn't know,
waking up to the chilly breeze that blows in from the open window the wind might blow away all thoughts and leave me cold, even more so when I discover I have pushed my blankets away in the night
futility is a strange word; an expression so bleak it slices through, makes shards of deep midnight black feelings each one reflecting the light of memories of glory (or were they just illuminated dreams?)
the diamond of the feeling you get when footsteps are slow and sink into the hard, obdurate ground mimicking the silent heave of the heart's murmurings
when you close your eyes because the world seems too bright, too hopeful too difficult to understand and you can't find the strength to try
the feeling you get when you don't even ask because you already know the answer isn't yes
and even when enveloped in darkness, presences are enough to make the heart thump, shudder with fear so futile to imagine that the audience is naked or that my listeners are not really there
so futile to convince myself that I have nothing to be afraid of clammy hands grasp onto that thread of poise to let it slip away
when the mind blacks out-
stage fright is a scary thing.
/
So I'm hoping it was just today and that it's not gonna happen again- it cannot happen again, it should not happen again, and I will not think about what I can't do if, God (please) forbid, it does happen again. It has never been so bad before.
Sengkang rebels... would have been cool, except we were tilting our heads in the same direction :/
squatting in the rain... it was kind of weird
what I believe every sn chorister is doing right now
Ms Nair!!
uh, we were laughingphotos taken either by Weiting/Manda/me, with Weiting's beautiful 7.2 megapixels camera
Well though it's not like we're leaving SN for good (yet), it was still sad to have to leave our beautiful compound for some... place with a one-lane cement track (yes, I still can't get over it). I know I ought to be positive but argh, when there's a six-foot python waiting to be caught in our new compound, it's pretty hard to be cheerful. I didn't want to post it today, seeing as it's past 1am now, but I seem to have this adrenaline running inside me that celebrates the real last day of school- not the fake one which was followed up by extended lessons- so I'm here I guess. It's kind of a strange mood though.
Monday, November 9, 2009 @ 7:14 PM
I'm waiting for a person who will come up to me and say, I have found it, the song that you were looking for The song I always thought I heard- but not really that would change my life, that would completely change everything how I looked at them (why I looked at them) The song that would heal the empty shell I didn't know I was, that I can't live without I'd cling on to such a melody.
I have found it, the song that you were wishing for That would turn my stomach over with anxiety Unfulfilled happiness finally finding a home The kind of joy that lasts with you forever Even actions cannot depict that kind of senseless amazement lack of inhibition Music would be the only thing I could ever exist on from then on, but I wouldn't mind.
I have found it, the song that you were waiting for That would quietly catch my ear, and draw my breath I'd breathe along unwillingly yet willingly with it That would squeeze my heart so tight just at the right time Eyes flutter closed Soar,
If that person could give me such a thing, such music, such a song, so simple yet so difficult to find- I would have to love that person forever.
/
Chinese Os are tomorrow and I'm just about as unprepared as I can get, which I suddenly really regret (yes I know, it's a little too late for that).
Anyway it's been somewhat of a bad day. When will I stop playing so completely lousily? And it's in 6 months.
